I am very......down. God has been working in my heart recently--which is exciting and wonderful!--but I'm just kinda disgusted with myself. I wish I could take a holiday...from ME.
In other news, it's my parent's last Christmas in the States for a loooong while. That's depressing. I mean, I am so excited for them, and I know that they are following God's call for their life, so I really wouldn't have it any other way, but I am going to miss them so much. like, INCREDIBLY much. It has been an emotional week and I'm not really one for "emotional" experiences of any kind.
I guess this is the "cold and broken Hallelujah" Christmas.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
in the face of the cross
I've been reading Bonhoeffer's Cost of Discipleship and it amazes me how God has used this book to gently slap me in the face with truth that i know, but am not living out in my day to day existence. There are times where i find myself almost despairing with the enormity of my incompetence, but then, that is probably good for me. Good for me to realize that I am utterly wretched without God's grace, and good for me to remember God's promise to continue His work in me to completion. He is faithful-- praise be to God!
these are some quotes that have really stuck out to me in my readings:
ON REVENGE:
To leave everything behind at the call of Christ is to be content with him alone, and to follow only him. By his willingly renouncing self-defence, the Christian affirms his absolute adherence to Jesus, and his freedom from the tyranny of his own ego. The exclusiveness of adherence is the only power which can overcome evil.
And the cross is the only justification for the precept of non-violence, for it alone can kindle a faith in the victory over evil which will enable men to obey that precept.
ON LOVING ENEMIES:
enemies are those who harbour hostility against us, not those against whom we cherish hostility, for Jesus refuses to reckon with such a possibility.
His (the Christian’s) behavior must be determined not by the way others treat him, but by the treatment he himself receives from Jesus; it has only one source, and that is the will of Jesus.
Love asks nothing in return, but seeks those who need it. And who needs our love more than those who are consumed with hatred and are utterly devoid of love? Who in other words deserves our love more than our enemy? Where is love more glorified than where she dwells in the midst of her enemies?
In the face of the cross the disciples realized that they too were his enemies, and that he had overcome them by his love. It is this that opens the disciple’s eyes, and enables him to see his enemy as a brother.
“It will be the prayer of earnest love for these very sons of perdition who stand around and gaze at us with eyes aflame with hatred, and who have perhaps already raised their hands to kill us. It will be a prayer for the peace of these erring, devastated and bewildered souls, a prayer for the same love and peace which we ourselves enjoy, a prayer which will penetrate to the depths of their souls and rend their hearts more grievously than anything they can do to us.” -A.F.C. Vilmar, 1880.
these are some quotes that have really stuck out to me in my readings:
ON REVENGE:
To leave everything behind at the call of Christ is to be content with him alone, and to follow only him. By his willingly renouncing self-defence, the Christian affirms his absolute adherence to Jesus, and his freedom from the tyranny of his own ego. The exclusiveness of adherence is the only power which can overcome evil.
And the cross is the only justification for the precept of non-violence, for it alone can kindle a faith in the victory over evil which will enable men to obey that precept.
ON LOVING ENEMIES:
enemies are those who harbour hostility against us, not those against whom we cherish hostility, for Jesus refuses to reckon with such a possibility.
His (the Christian’s) behavior must be determined not by the way others treat him, but by the treatment he himself receives from Jesus; it has only one source, and that is the will of Jesus.
Love asks nothing in return, but seeks those who need it. And who needs our love more than those who are consumed with hatred and are utterly devoid of love? Who in other words deserves our love more than our enemy? Where is love more glorified than where she dwells in the midst of her enemies?
In the face of the cross the disciples realized that they too were his enemies, and that he had overcome them by his love. It is this that opens the disciple’s eyes, and enables him to see his enemy as a brother.
“It will be the prayer of earnest love for these very sons of perdition who stand around and gaze at us with eyes aflame with hatred, and who have perhaps already raised their hands to kill us. It will be a prayer for the peace of these erring, devastated and bewildered souls, a prayer for the same love and peace which we ourselves enjoy, a prayer which will penetrate to the depths of their souls and rend their hearts more grievously than anything they can do to us.” -A.F.C. Vilmar, 1880.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
work in progress
pierce this pharisee heart in my chest
and put my self-righteousness to rest
instill in me humility’s vision
Lord, let me be genuine
Show me why for this world you would bleed
Give me a heart for my brother in need
fill me with a consuming passion
Lord, let me be genuine
hedge up my way from the things I pursue
keep me from lovers other than You
fix my eyes on the things of heaven
Lord, let me be genuine
and put my self-righteousness to rest
instill in me humility’s vision
Lord, let me be genuine
Show me why for this world you would bleed
Give me a heart for my brother in need
fill me with a consuming passion
Lord, let me be genuine
hedge up my way from the things I pursue
keep me from lovers other than You
fix my eyes on the things of heaven
Lord, let me be genuine
Thursday, September 16, 2010
"The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart"
This whole week has been so exciting with all of the GO events and speakers. And then last night with the Ethiopian missionary who came and spoke...just really powerful stuff. I got a copy of his (the Ethiopian missionary’s) book called Slowly by Slowly and I started reading it this morning and I never want to put it down. I am not really sure what all of this means except that I believe that God has given me a heart for missions...and recently I have been thinking about becoming an overseas missionary. I mean, it’s still just an idea. Maybe I’ll end up doing mission work here in the states, I just don’t know.
Anyway, last night, Patrick (that’s the Ethiopian missionary’s name) and his friend Negash talked about their work over in Ethiopia. Patrick started a program where churches in the states sponsor missionaries in Ethiopia for 50 dollars a month. They started out sponsoring five missionaries, but then two of the missionaries felt that 50 dollars was too much money and so split their “salary” so that two more missionaries could be sponsored. and then the missionaries set aside money from their salary every month and pool it together for when someone graduates or gets married. Their love and generosity really hit me. I want to be like that. To live life constantly giving, trusting God to sustain me and provide.
Several times last night Patrick quoted “But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him?” All my life I have tithed and volunteered at church ministries and given special offerings during holidays and such, but recently I have felt this restlessness in my heart. Like, it’s not enough. (I’m not saying that I feel like God is displeased or requiring more than giving offering and volunteering...more like, I feel that I have so much; I am not content with just giving money, I want to give myself --my time, my energy, my life--to share the gospel and really affect people’s lives whether that takes me to homeless shelters in the city or to villages in the heart of Africa.) I do not want to see my brother in need and be satisfied by just putting a few bucks in the offering plate every sunday.
Sometimes I look around at America and am filled with disgust. A nation that once proclaimed itself a “Christian” nation but now flaunts its reprobate culture. Part of me wants to just “dust off my sandals” and go overseas to share the gospel with people who have never heard the good news. And yet I can’t be sure if that is the right response. Who am I to condemn this nation? Nothing is impossible with God, and even the hardest of hearts can be broken by the love of Christ. People need the gospel here as well as over there, and I have always wanted to travel, which makes me wary. Do I want to go overseas to do mission work because I feel like God is leading me there? Or because I want to see the world? Or has God given me this love for travel because He wants me to go overseas to do mission work? too many questions. I am riddled with self-doubt and it frustrates me. Yet I know that God is faithful to reveal His will in His timing. Until I know God is calling me overseas, I will remain where He has me now and pray for opportunities to minister to the community here. Waiting on the Lord does not involve mastering the art of thumb twiddling.
Anyway, last night, Patrick (that’s the Ethiopian missionary’s name) and his friend Negash talked about their work over in Ethiopia. Patrick started a program where churches in the states sponsor missionaries in Ethiopia for 50 dollars a month. They started out sponsoring five missionaries, but then two of the missionaries felt that 50 dollars was too much money and so split their “salary” so that two more missionaries could be sponsored. and then the missionaries set aside money from their salary every month and pool it together for when someone graduates or gets married. Their love and generosity really hit me. I want to be like that. To live life constantly giving, trusting God to sustain me and provide.
Several times last night Patrick quoted “But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him?” All my life I have tithed and volunteered at church ministries and given special offerings during holidays and such, but recently I have felt this restlessness in my heart. Like, it’s not enough. (I’m not saying that I feel like God is displeased or requiring more than giving offering and volunteering...more like, I feel that I have so much; I am not content with just giving money, I want to give myself --my time, my energy, my life--to share the gospel and really affect people’s lives whether that takes me to homeless shelters in the city or to villages in the heart of Africa.) I do not want to see my brother in need and be satisfied by just putting a few bucks in the offering plate every sunday.
Sometimes I look around at America and am filled with disgust. A nation that once proclaimed itself a “Christian” nation but now flaunts its reprobate culture. Part of me wants to just “dust off my sandals” and go overseas to share the gospel with people who have never heard the good news. And yet I can’t be sure if that is the right response. Who am I to condemn this nation? Nothing is impossible with God, and even the hardest of hearts can be broken by the love of Christ. People need the gospel here as well as over there, and I have always wanted to travel, which makes me wary. Do I want to go overseas to do mission work because I feel like God is leading me there? Or because I want to see the world? Or has God given me this love for travel because He wants me to go overseas to do mission work? too many questions. I am riddled with self-doubt and it frustrates me. Yet I know that God is faithful to reveal His will in His timing. Until I know God is calling me overseas, I will remain where He has me now and pray for opportunities to minister to the community here. Waiting on the Lord does not involve mastering the art of thumb twiddling.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
teach me tonight
My tongue is a fire
fueled by my foolishness
propelling me into a mire
of disgust
Like a moth to the flame,
I am drawn to destruction
left with a tongue I can’t tame
or instruct
You can see though I’ve tried
to converse, I’m left only
wishing for this tongue to be tied
and it all has gone south
with my foot placed so firmly
inside of this inundant mouth
I’m blessing the Father
and with the same breath
turn to curse at my brother
in my pain
I’m biting back bile
and retching the bitterness
while trying to maintain this smile
that I feign
If I could take it all back, I would
and start speaking life giving words
like I know that I should
but I can’t seem to bridle
this tongue in my head
and I cannot escape
all these things that I’ve said
so I’m asking for You
to give me instead
the skill of remaining silent
fueled by my foolishness
propelling me into a mire
of disgust
Like a moth to the flame,
I am drawn to destruction
left with a tongue I can’t tame
or instruct
You can see though I’ve tried
to converse, I’m left only
wishing for this tongue to be tied
and it all has gone south
with my foot placed so firmly
inside of this inundant mouth
I’m blessing the Father
and with the same breath
turn to curse at my brother
in my pain
I’m biting back bile
and retching the bitterness
while trying to maintain this smile
that I feign
If I could take it all back, I would
and start speaking life giving words
like I know that I should
but I can’t seem to bridle
this tongue in my head
and I cannot escape
all these things that I’ve said
so I’m asking for You
to give me instead
the skill of remaining silent
Sunday, August 15, 2010
rich in mercy
Many times in the Old Testament, when Israel sins, God has someone (a judge, Moses, a prophet, etc.) intercede for the people, pleading on their behalf for God to have mercy. And God uses that intercession as a means to lead the people with a firm, yet loving hand. Here in Ezra, however, the Israelites receive mercy without an intermediary. Ezra hears about the peoples’ transgressions, and marvels at the way God has kept His people despite their disobedience. “...seeing that You, our God, have punished us less than our iniquities deserved and have given us such a remnant as this...”(Ezra 9:13). Ezra discovers, after the fact, that God is acting in mercy towards the Israelites. I think this is really important, because it’s so easy to see the righteously wrathful, powerful, sovereign side of God in the old testament (that is NOT to say that God’s sovereignty and power changes between the Old and New Testaments, nor that God’s love suddenly becomes tangible and active later in the Bible.), but in Ezra we see the “cords of kindness” and “bonds of love” (Hosea 11:4) that God uses to lead His people.
“For we are slaves. Yet our God has not forsaken us in our slavery, but has extended to us his steadfast love before the kings of Persia, to grant us some reviving to set up the house of our God, to repair its ruins, and to give up protection in Judea and Jerusalem.” (Ezra 9:9)
It becomes so easy to limit our gaze on our present circumstance, to get bogged down in the reality of disappointment, but Ezra expands his perspective, realizing that God has blessed Israel. In Ephesians, it says that our God is “rich in mercy” (2:4) and indeed, He is so. Even when things seem pretty awful for the Israelites, Ezra still praises God for His grace and blessings.
I also really love how the people respond. in chapter ten of Ezra, it reads, “While Ezra prayed and made confession, weeping and casting himself down before the house of God, a very great assembly of men, women, and children, gathered to him out of Israel, for the people wept bitterly.” They are grieved, but the people don’t let their discouragement or guilt keep them from action. They approach Ezra and, acknowledging their sin, offer to restore their broken commitment to the Lord by making a new covenant to put away their unlawful families. The people see the situation, evaluate what needs to be done and then work to accept responsibility and restore their relationship with God. The men who go to Ezra say, “Arise, for it is your task [to make a covenant with God], and we are with you; be strong and do it.” and they get the job done in only a few months. That is dedication. That is determination. That is God, working in the lives of His children to draw them closer to Himself.
“For we are slaves. Yet our God has not forsaken us in our slavery, but has extended to us his steadfast love before the kings of Persia, to grant us some reviving to set up the house of our God, to repair its ruins, and to give up protection in Judea and Jerusalem.” (Ezra 9:9)
It becomes so easy to limit our gaze on our present circumstance, to get bogged down in the reality of disappointment, but Ezra expands his perspective, realizing that God has blessed Israel. In Ephesians, it says that our God is “rich in mercy” (2:4) and indeed, He is so. Even when things seem pretty awful for the Israelites, Ezra still praises God for His grace and blessings.
I also really love how the people respond. in chapter ten of Ezra, it reads, “While Ezra prayed and made confession, weeping and casting himself down before the house of God, a very great assembly of men, women, and children, gathered to him out of Israel, for the people wept bitterly.” They are grieved, but the people don’t let their discouragement or guilt keep them from action. They approach Ezra and, acknowledging their sin, offer to restore their broken commitment to the Lord by making a new covenant to put away their unlawful families. The people see the situation, evaluate what needs to be done and then work to accept responsibility and restore their relationship with God. The men who go to Ezra say, “Arise, for it is your task [to make a covenant with God], and we are with you; be strong and do it.” and they get the job done in only a few months. That is dedication. That is determination. That is God, working in the lives of His children to draw them closer to Himself.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
You break my heart of stone
In the last two chapters of Ezra, the prophet discovers that the people (and the officials, even) have deliberately disobeyed God’s command not to intermarry with the different people groups. Ezra responds:
“As soon as I heard this, I tore my garment and my cloak and pulled hair from my head and beard and sat appalled.” (Ezra 9:3)
I really admire his reaction. Contrary to contemporary practices, he is grieved by sin. Sometimes i feel as if people realize their sin and even boast about it. Like, they are proud that they struggle in this area or they feel that this downfall is somehow attractive to others. But sin is sin, and should evoke remorse and (for lack of a better word....sorrow doesn’t seem strong enough, but pain sounds too exclusive against mental and emotional stress....) grief. If people could look at sin the way God views sin, I think that would alter the flippancy and apathy in this generation.
Ezra prays, “O my God, I am ashamed and blush to lift my face to you, my God, for our iniquities have risen higher than our heads, and our guilt has mounted up to the heavens.”(Ezra 9:6)
I completely identify with Ezra’s feeling here. The oppressive, overwhelming guilt of sin that chokes out joy has rapidly taken over him. I mean, i don’t know if Ezra knew about the intermarriage problem before (i imagine that it would be kinda hard to hide that particular sin...) although his writings make it seem as if he was ignorant of it until chapter 9, but it is like all of the weight of the Israelite’s transgressions have crashed down on him, and, because of the magnitude (i mean, this had been going on for some time because these unholy unions contrived children) of Israel’s guilt, Ezra feels the barrier between the people and God (at least, i think that is implied in the “mounted up to the heavens” although maybe i’m wrong and am reading too much into it. i do that sometimes....) I really abhor the feeling of realizing that i am in the wrong (i’m not talking about arguments...although i really don’t like that either! haha but i mean when i realize that i have been acting on pride or any other sinful compulsion); of discovering that I am so far from where God’s word exhorts me to be. I mean, in a way it is so very rewarding to experience God’s grace (always remembering, of course, that we are NOT called “to continue in sin that grace may abound”! because that is not biblical or right or rewarding in any way!) and to be reminded of how fallible and “in need of a savior” i am, but it still isn’t a pleasant sensation.
But it doesn’t end there. God is gracious and merciful. And i am going to go into that (at least, the part that i see in Ezra. obviously i could never finish unpacking God’s grace and mercy because it knows no bounds, and i am just a mere human attempting to express abstract ideas and themes in concrete and tangible terms). For now, goodnight and God bless. Should God grant me grace enough for one more day on this earth, i will write more about Ezra. :)
“As soon as I heard this, I tore my garment and my cloak and pulled hair from my head and beard and sat appalled.” (Ezra 9:3)
I really admire his reaction. Contrary to contemporary practices, he is grieved by sin. Sometimes i feel as if people realize their sin and even boast about it. Like, they are proud that they struggle in this area or they feel that this downfall is somehow attractive to others. But sin is sin, and should evoke remorse and (for lack of a better word....sorrow doesn’t seem strong enough, but pain sounds too exclusive against mental and emotional stress....) grief. If people could look at sin the way God views sin, I think that would alter the flippancy and apathy in this generation.
Ezra prays, “O my God, I am ashamed and blush to lift my face to you, my God, for our iniquities have risen higher than our heads, and our guilt has mounted up to the heavens.”(Ezra 9:6)
I completely identify with Ezra’s feeling here. The oppressive, overwhelming guilt of sin that chokes out joy has rapidly taken over him. I mean, i don’t know if Ezra knew about the intermarriage problem before (i imagine that it would be kinda hard to hide that particular sin...) although his writings make it seem as if he was ignorant of it until chapter 9, but it is like all of the weight of the Israelite’s transgressions have crashed down on him, and, because of the magnitude (i mean, this had been going on for some time because these unholy unions contrived children) of Israel’s guilt, Ezra feels the barrier between the people and God (at least, i think that is implied in the “mounted up to the heavens” although maybe i’m wrong and am reading too much into it. i do that sometimes....) I really abhor the feeling of realizing that i am in the wrong (i’m not talking about arguments...although i really don’t like that either! haha but i mean when i realize that i have been acting on pride or any other sinful compulsion); of discovering that I am so far from where God’s word exhorts me to be. I mean, in a way it is so very rewarding to experience God’s grace (always remembering, of course, that we are NOT called “to continue in sin that grace may abound”! because that is not biblical or right or rewarding in any way!) and to be reminded of how fallible and “in need of a savior” i am, but it still isn’t a pleasant sensation.
But it doesn’t end there. God is gracious and merciful. And i am going to go into that (at least, the part that i see in Ezra. obviously i could never finish unpacking God’s grace and mercy because it knows no bounds, and i am just a mere human attempting to express abstract ideas and themes in concrete and tangible terms). For now, goodnight and God bless. Should God grant me grace enough for one more day on this earth, i will write more about Ezra. :)
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Cast Your Bread upon the Waters
taking a small break from Ezra.....
There is a verse that God has really put on my heart recently. From Ecclesiastes, chapter 11 verse 1 reads, "Cast your bread upon the waters, for you will find it after many days". At first, i really didn't understand what that meant. (and my oh-so-helpful sister told me that it meant God wanted us to feed the ducks...hahaha) but i kept meditating on that verse.
Basically the whole book of Ecclesiastes speaks to the fleeting, shallow pleasures of the world. The "preacher" must come to grips with the fact that life holds no guarantees, no lasting joy of any kind. all is vanity. Only God can sustain and offer life abundantly (of course, in order to gain life, we must die to ourselves...mmhm, such a sweet paradox!) So, putting the verse in context, I think what it conveys is the realization/resignation to the truth that our life is completely out of our hands. "Cast your bread upon the waters..."; give up your false security in your own abilities, you have no control over your circumstances. I think this verse is a call to live in faith, surrendering everything to God, trusting that He knows best and will provide. "....for you will find it after many days"; let God provide; He is in control and has the power to take care of you.
any thoughts? I don't know. I could be off..... Just a thought for the day (or, more like this whole past month for me! haha)
There is a verse that God has really put on my heart recently. From Ecclesiastes, chapter 11 verse 1 reads, "Cast your bread upon the waters, for you will find it after many days". At first, i really didn't understand what that meant. (and my oh-so-helpful sister told me that it meant God wanted us to feed the ducks...hahaha) but i kept meditating on that verse.
Basically the whole book of Ecclesiastes speaks to the fleeting, shallow pleasures of the world. The "preacher" must come to grips with the fact that life holds no guarantees, no lasting joy of any kind. all is vanity. Only God can sustain and offer life abundantly (of course, in order to gain life, we must die to ourselves...mmhm, such a sweet paradox!) So, putting the verse in context, I think what it conveys is the realization/resignation to the truth that our life is completely out of our hands. "Cast your bread upon the waters..."; give up your false security in your own abilities, you have no control over your circumstances. I think this verse is a call to live in faith, surrendering everything to God, trusting that He knows best and will provide. "....for you will find it after many days"; let God provide; He is in control and has the power to take care of you.
any thoughts? I don't know. I could be off..... Just a thought for the day (or, more like this whole past month for me! haha)
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
obedience and stuff :)
Continuing in Ezra.....
so in chapter five, the Israelites listen to the prophets Haggai and Zachariah and resume construction on the temple which causes the governor to start asking questions. He doesn’t shut them down, but writes to the king, imploring him to check records for Cyrus’ decree to rebuild the temple.
“But the eye of their God was on the elders of the Jews, and they did not stop them until the report should reach Darius and then an answer be returned by letter concerning it” (Ezra 5:5)
So, it was the Israelites obedience to God to continue building even in the face of legal troubles that caused the king Darius to find Cyrus’ old edict for Jerusalem to be rebuilt. God chose to bless the Israelites again by touching the king’s heart. Darius supports the temple builders financially and even provides animals for sacrifice. He then protects the Israelites and their purpose with this:
“Also i make a decree that if anyone alters this edict, a beam shall be pulled out of his house, and he shall be impaled on it, and his house shall be made a dunghill. May the God who has cause His name to dwell there overthrow any king or people who shall put out a hand to alter this, or to destroy this house of God that is in Jerusalem”.
How cool is that? God faithfully provides for the Israelites...but notice that the Israelites had to take a leap of faith and obey God. They had to begin building, with no guarantee of safety for themselves or their families. But God blessed them for their rightful commitment to His commands. God used their obedience to impact the king and governor and also to bless the Israelites. Not only did the Israelites gain the support and funding from the Darius, but also the assurance that their work would go unhindered by anything else! God is pleased with obedience, for obedience is our most tangible demonstration of our love for Jesus. (John 14:15) I pray that no matter the circumstances or repercussions, i would earnestly strive to act in accordance with what God commands because i love Him.
Again, in chapter 7, we see God changing the heart of the king Artaxerxes as he offers help to Ezra. I love Ezra’s response!
“Blessed be the Lord, the God of our fathers, who put such a thing as this into the heart of the king, to beautify the house of the Lord that is in Jerusalem, and who extended to me His steadfast love before the king and his counselors, and before all the king’s mighty officers. I took courage, for the hand of the Lord my God was on me and i gathered leading men from Israel to go up with me” (Ezra 7:27-28)
I pray that I would recognize and react to God’s hand in my life with the same reverence and joy as Ezra did. When God orchestrates circumstances that allow me to follow His will with confidence, may i marvel and praise Him with such fervent devotion that others comprehend how great and powerful and GOOD our God truly is!
so in chapter five, the Israelites listen to the prophets Haggai and Zachariah and resume construction on the temple which causes the governor to start asking questions. He doesn’t shut them down, but writes to the king, imploring him to check records for Cyrus’ decree to rebuild the temple.
“But the eye of their God was on the elders of the Jews, and they did not stop them until the report should reach Darius and then an answer be returned by letter concerning it” (Ezra 5:5)
So, it was the Israelites obedience to God to continue building even in the face of legal troubles that caused the king Darius to find Cyrus’ old edict for Jerusalem to be rebuilt. God chose to bless the Israelites again by touching the king’s heart. Darius supports the temple builders financially and even provides animals for sacrifice. He then protects the Israelites and their purpose with this:
“Also i make a decree that if anyone alters this edict, a beam shall be pulled out of his house, and he shall be impaled on it, and his house shall be made a dunghill. May the God who has cause His name to dwell there overthrow any king or people who shall put out a hand to alter this, or to destroy this house of God that is in Jerusalem”.
How cool is that? God faithfully provides for the Israelites...but notice that the Israelites had to take a leap of faith and obey God. They had to begin building, with no guarantee of safety for themselves or their families. But God blessed them for their rightful commitment to His commands. God used their obedience to impact the king and governor and also to bless the Israelites. Not only did the Israelites gain the support and funding from the Darius, but also the assurance that their work would go unhindered by anything else! God is pleased with obedience, for obedience is our most tangible demonstration of our love for Jesus. (John 14:15) I pray that no matter the circumstances or repercussions, i would earnestly strive to act in accordance with what God commands because i love Him.
Again, in chapter 7, we see God changing the heart of the king Artaxerxes as he offers help to Ezra. I love Ezra’s response!
“Blessed be the Lord, the God of our fathers, who put such a thing as this into the heart of the king, to beautify the house of the Lord that is in Jerusalem, and who extended to me His steadfast love before the king and his counselors, and before all the king’s mighty officers. I took courage, for the hand of the Lord my God was on me and i gathered leading men from Israel to go up with me” (Ezra 7:27-28)
I pray that I would recognize and react to God’s hand in my life with the same reverence and joy as Ezra did. When God orchestrates circumstances that allow me to follow His will with confidence, may i marvel and praise Him with such fervent devotion that others comprehend how great and powerful and GOOD our God truly is!
Monday, August 2, 2010
consider your ways
So I have been reading through the book of Ezra, and the organization of the book really fascinates me. I mean, it almost reads like a novel or a play. It opens with the exiled Israelites returning to rebuild the temple. God has moved the king, Cyrus, to allow the Israelites to travel back to Jerusalem. Cyrus even goes so far to command that the Israelites should be given “...silver and gold, with goods and with beasts, besides free will offerings for the house of God that is in Jerusalem.” (Ezra 1:4) How amazing is that? God is so good! Not only has He changed the heart of the king of Persia, but He has made a way for His people to go back to their home and even provided funds for them to rebuild the temple. God provides for/equips the Israelites to accomplish His will.
Then, in chapter four, the enemies of the Israelites employ all manner of trickery to hinder the building of the temple. They intimidate the workers, bribing officials to frustrate and slow down the Israelites. Finally, they write to Artaxerxes, contriving a cease and desist letter from the king. And what do the Israelites do? They give up. Stop building the temple. Now, at this point, i am feeling sympathetic with the Israelites. After all, we are called to respect authority and the authority of the land has commanded that they stop construction (which is kind of a lame way of thinking...after all, render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s and unto the Lord what is the Lord’s....and we are supposed to hold everything up to God’s word and act in accordance with what it teaches, i.e. if God says to build the temple, but the monarch says to stop building, we build anyway). But then, in chapter five, Ezra mentions the prophets Haggai and Zachariah (and i thought, hey! i know them...their books are further into the bible...) so i went and read them. And this is what i found...
“Thus says the Lord of hosts: Consider your ways. Go up to the hills and bring wood and build the house, that I may take pleasure in it and that I may be glorified, says the Lord. You looked for much, and behold, it came to little. And when you brought it home, I blew it away. Why? declares the Lord of hosts. Because of my house that lies in ruins, while each of you busies himself with his own house.” (Haggai 1:7-9)
wow. punch in the face. Difficulties arise and instead of trusting in God to work out the problems, the Israelites abandon their purpose and busy themselves with their own goals. So often, i think that Christians catch a vision of what God is doing and passionately set out to be used for His will and then when hardship comes, they lose heart and start thinking that maybe what they thought wasn’t really God’s will because it’s hard. Well, who said it was supposed to be easy? Just because God chose to bless the Israelites with Cyrus’ decree and encourage them with easily acquired materials, that doesn’t mean that God is required to continue to provide in the same way. God is not formulaic. It’s like in Prince Caspian, when Lucy meets with Aslan and wants Him to come roaring in and save everyone like He did in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, but Aslan says that He never works the same way twice. why? Because God isn’t about the ends. We try to micro-manage God, by expecting Him to work in the most “efficient” way, by our standards. But God has another purpose in mind. He is about the relationship. The Israelites had already experienced God as provider. They needed to grow, to experience God in a new way. Before, He blessed them so they could worship Him as provider. When things are tough, when the world turns against the Israelites, they could experience Him as comforter, as their rock. They could have trusted Him to see them through the persecution and continued construction on the temple.(again, like when Lucy should have followed Aslan, even when her older siblings didn’t believe her, yet she let her circumstances dictate her actions and resulted in disobedience.) But they didn’t. and, as a result, they missed out on experiencing the faithfulness and power of God.
BUT.... God doesn’t give up on them. In Zachariah, God says, “Cry out, Thus says the Lord of hosts: I am exceedingly jealous for Jerusalem and for Zion. And I am exceedingly angry with the nations that are at ease; for while I was angry but a little, they furthered the disaster. Therefore, thus says the Lord, I have returned to Jerusalem with mercy; my house shall be built in it, declares the Lord of hosts, and the measuring line shall be stretched out over Jerusalem. Cry out again, Thus says the Lord of hosts: My cities shall again overflow with prosperity, and the Lord will again comfort Zion and again choose Jerusalem” (Zachariah 1:14-17).
Thank you, Father, for Your enduring faithfulness!
i have more to write about Ezra, but i don’t have time right now....
Then, in chapter four, the enemies of the Israelites employ all manner of trickery to hinder the building of the temple. They intimidate the workers, bribing officials to frustrate and slow down the Israelites. Finally, they write to Artaxerxes, contriving a cease and desist letter from the king. And what do the Israelites do? They give up. Stop building the temple. Now, at this point, i am feeling sympathetic with the Israelites. After all, we are called to respect authority and the authority of the land has commanded that they stop construction (which is kind of a lame way of thinking...after all, render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s and unto the Lord what is the Lord’s....and we are supposed to hold everything up to God’s word and act in accordance with what it teaches, i.e. if God says to build the temple, but the monarch says to stop building, we build anyway). But then, in chapter five, Ezra mentions the prophets Haggai and Zachariah (and i thought, hey! i know them...their books are further into the bible...) so i went and read them. And this is what i found...
“Thus says the Lord of hosts: Consider your ways. Go up to the hills and bring wood and build the house, that I may take pleasure in it and that I may be glorified, says the Lord. You looked for much, and behold, it came to little. And when you brought it home, I blew it away. Why? declares the Lord of hosts. Because of my house that lies in ruins, while each of you busies himself with his own house.” (Haggai 1:7-9)
wow. punch in the face. Difficulties arise and instead of trusting in God to work out the problems, the Israelites abandon their purpose and busy themselves with their own goals. So often, i think that Christians catch a vision of what God is doing and passionately set out to be used for His will and then when hardship comes, they lose heart and start thinking that maybe what they thought wasn’t really God’s will because it’s hard. Well, who said it was supposed to be easy? Just because God chose to bless the Israelites with Cyrus’ decree and encourage them with easily acquired materials, that doesn’t mean that God is required to continue to provide in the same way. God is not formulaic. It’s like in Prince Caspian, when Lucy meets with Aslan and wants Him to come roaring in and save everyone like He did in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, but Aslan says that He never works the same way twice. why? Because God isn’t about the ends. We try to micro-manage God, by expecting Him to work in the most “efficient” way, by our standards. But God has another purpose in mind. He is about the relationship. The Israelites had already experienced God as provider. They needed to grow, to experience God in a new way. Before, He blessed them so they could worship Him as provider. When things are tough, when the world turns against the Israelites, they could experience Him as comforter, as their rock. They could have trusted Him to see them through the persecution and continued construction on the temple.(again, like when Lucy should have followed Aslan, even when her older siblings didn’t believe her, yet she let her circumstances dictate her actions and resulted in disobedience.) But they didn’t. and, as a result, they missed out on experiencing the faithfulness and power of God.
BUT.... God doesn’t give up on them. In Zachariah, God says, “Cry out, Thus says the Lord of hosts: I am exceedingly jealous for Jerusalem and for Zion. And I am exceedingly angry with the nations that are at ease; for while I was angry but a little, they furthered the disaster. Therefore, thus says the Lord, I have returned to Jerusalem with mercy; my house shall be built in it, declares the Lord of hosts, and the measuring line shall be stretched out over Jerusalem. Cry out again, Thus says the Lord of hosts: My cities shall again overflow with prosperity, and the Lord will again comfort Zion and again choose Jerusalem” (Zachariah 1:14-17).
Thank you, Father, for Your enduring faithfulness!
i have more to write about Ezra, but i don’t have time right now....
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Blessed are all who take refuge in Him
My soul magnifies the Lord! for He is good and faithful to provide beyond my need and perceptions.
I went to my cousin's church last night where they are starting a Praying Through the Psalms study. We read aloud Psalm 2 and it was so powerful. The Psalm is broken into three focal points: the first three verses regard the world, the next three talk about God and the next three are from the man of God's standpoint and then the last three go back to the world. the last line "Blessed are all who take refuge in Him" is the chorus and was written to be repeated after every three verses. Something which, i had never heard before. It was so powerful to re-read the Psalm as it would have been sung in the Jewish church, with the chorus repeated. It completely drove home how important it is to abide in Christ, and the total focus of the Psalms changed from the wrath of God to the righteousness and goodness of God (not that the wrath of God doesn't communicate His goodness and righteousness, because it does as well!).
"Why do the nations rage
and the peoples plot in vain?
The kings of the earth set themselves,
and the rulers take counsel together,
against the Lord and against his
anointed, saying
"let us burst their bonds apart
and cast away their cords from us"
Blessed are all who take refuge in Him
He who sits in the heavens laughs;
the Lord holds them in derision.
Then he will speak to them in his wrath
and terrify them in His fury, saying,
"As for me, I have set my King
on Zion, my holy hill."
Blessed are all who take refuge in Him
I will tell of the decree:
The Lord said to me, "You are my Son;
today I have begotten you.
Ask of me, and I will make the nations
your heritage,
and the ends of the earth your
possession.
You shall break them with a rod of iron
and dash them in pieves like a potter's vessel."
Blessed are all who take refuge in Him
Now therefore, O kings, be wise;
be warned, O rulers of the earth.
Serve the Lord with fear,
and rejoice with trembling.
Kiss the Son, lest he be angry and you perish in the way,
for his wrath is quickly kindled.
Blessed are all who take refuge in Him"
-Psalm 2
anyways, it was very cool. He (my cousin) encouraged the body to pray through this Psalm and meditate on it this week (and he went in depth on the meanings of the Psalm- I'm not going to go into it now because i don't have the time and i have other things i want to talk about!) but you should all go check out his blog: www.cameronsandel.com ! he is so passionate about the Word and lives completely consumed by the Father's Love. I am so glad that he is in my family! :)
Another passage of scripture that God has placed on my heart recently is Acts 11:1-18 when Peter gets chastized for preaching the Gospel to the Gentiles and so he tells his brothers, "If then God gave the same gift to them as He gave to us when we believed in the Lord Jesus Christ, who was I that I could stand in God's way?"(verse 17) Verse 18 goes on to say "when they heard these things the fell silent. And they glorified God, saying, 'Then to the Gentiles also God has granted repentance that leads to life.'" these verses are so convicting for me, because so many times i judge people before i share the gospel with them. And when i say, "judge" it's not like i'm consciously saying, "oh, you're not good enough to hear the word of God" but i think, "oh, there's no way i could get through to them" which is sooooooo completely wrong. so wrong. because then, i'm focused on my abilities instead of on the miraculous Love of Christ. He redeems people, who am i to stand in His way? Who am i to think that i can break through to people? i am called to act in obedience in telling others about God's love and the death and resurrection of Christ. i have no authority to decide who to tell and i certainly have no authority to deem their heart 'ready' for the gospel or not. When i am so self-centered (focusing on what i can do for the kingdom, rather than making sure i am aligning myself with what God is doing for His kingdom and then allowing Him to work through me to accomplish His will), i am limiting my relationship with Christ. For i have come to see that God asks me to share with others because in telling others of His love, then i take joy in His love and thus, i grow closer to Him while He also uses me to draw others to Him as well. It is not my responsibility to save people (good thing, cause there is no way that i could save people) but it is my responsibility to "tell of the decree"(Psalm 2). It's like in Esther chapter four, when she initially balks at the idea of going to the King to petition on behalf of the Jews, Mordecai rebukes her, saying, "Do not think to yourself that in the king's palace you will escape any more than all the other Jews. For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance wil arise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father's house will perish." (verses 13-14). it is not that God NEEDS to use me to reach others for Him, but that God desires to use us in order to have a deeper, more intimiate relationship with Him.
"Blessed are all who take refuge in Him" -Psalm 2:13
I went to my cousin's church last night where they are starting a Praying Through the Psalms study. We read aloud Psalm 2 and it was so powerful. The Psalm is broken into three focal points: the first three verses regard the world, the next three talk about God and the next three are from the man of God's standpoint and then the last three go back to the world. the last line "Blessed are all who take refuge in Him" is the chorus and was written to be repeated after every three verses. Something which, i had never heard before. It was so powerful to re-read the Psalm as it would have been sung in the Jewish church, with the chorus repeated. It completely drove home how important it is to abide in Christ, and the total focus of the Psalms changed from the wrath of God to the righteousness and goodness of God (not that the wrath of God doesn't communicate His goodness and righteousness, because it does as well!).
"Why do the nations rage
and the peoples plot in vain?
The kings of the earth set themselves,
and the rulers take counsel together,
against the Lord and against his
anointed, saying
"let us burst their bonds apart
and cast away their cords from us"
Blessed are all who take refuge in Him
He who sits in the heavens laughs;
the Lord holds them in derision.
Then he will speak to them in his wrath
and terrify them in His fury, saying,
"As for me, I have set my King
on Zion, my holy hill."
Blessed are all who take refuge in Him
I will tell of the decree:
The Lord said to me, "You are my Son;
today I have begotten you.
Ask of me, and I will make the nations
your heritage,
and the ends of the earth your
possession.
You shall break them with a rod of iron
and dash them in pieves like a potter's vessel."
Blessed are all who take refuge in Him
Now therefore, O kings, be wise;
be warned, O rulers of the earth.
Serve the Lord with fear,
and rejoice with trembling.
Kiss the Son, lest he be angry and you perish in the way,
for his wrath is quickly kindled.
Blessed are all who take refuge in Him"
-Psalm 2
anyways, it was very cool. He (my cousin) encouraged the body to pray through this Psalm and meditate on it this week (and he went in depth on the meanings of the Psalm- I'm not going to go into it now because i don't have the time and i have other things i want to talk about!) but you should all go check out his blog: www.cameronsandel.com ! he is so passionate about the Word and lives completely consumed by the Father's Love. I am so glad that he is in my family! :)
Another passage of scripture that God has placed on my heart recently is Acts 11:1-18 when Peter gets chastized for preaching the Gospel to the Gentiles and so he tells his brothers, "If then God gave the same gift to them as He gave to us when we believed in the Lord Jesus Christ, who was I that I could stand in God's way?"(verse 17) Verse 18 goes on to say "when they heard these things the fell silent. And they glorified God, saying, 'Then to the Gentiles also God has granted repentance that leads to life.'" these verses are so convicting for me, because so many times i judge people before i share the gospel with them. And when i say, "judge" it's not like i'm consciously saying, "oh, you're not good enough to hear the word of God" but i think, "oh, there's no way i could get through to them" which is sooooooo completely wrong. so wrong. because then, i'm focused on my abilities instead of on the miraculous Love of Christ. He redeems people, who am i to stand in His way? Who am i to think that i can break through to people? i am called to act in obedience in telling others about God's love and the death and resurrection of Christ. i have no authority to decide who to tell and i certainly have no authority to deem their heart 'ready' for the gospel or not. When i am so self-centered (focusing on what i can do for the kingdom, rather than making sure i am aligning myself with what God is doing for His kingdom and then allowing Him to work through me to accomplish His will), i am limiting my relationship with Christ. For i have come to see that God asks me to share with others because in telling others of His love, then i take joy in His love and thus, i grow closer to Him while He also uses me to draw others to Him as well. It is not my responsibility to save people (good thing, cause there is no way that i could save people) but it is my responsibility to "tell of the decree"(Psalm 2). It's like in Esther chapter four, when she initially balks at the idea of going to the King to petition on behalf of the Jews, Mordecai rebukes her, saying, "Do not think to yourself that in the king's palace you will escape any more than all the other Jews. For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance wil arise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father's house will perish." (verses 13-14). it is not that God NEEDS to use me to reach others for Him, but that God desires to use us in order to have a deeper, more intimiate relationship with Him.
"Blessed are all who take refuge in Him" -Psalm 2:13
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
I shall not be shaken
Today, a senior at my school was shot in the head by intruders in his home. He sat at my table at prom (can that really be only two nights ago?) and now he is gone. I still cannot fathom it. Please be praying for his family and his friends.
This passage came to my mind and has helped me a lot.
"For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fotress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salcation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us."
-Psalm 62:5-8
I shall not be shaken.
and yet, I feel shaken. Shaken in my confidence of life, shaken in my view of humanity, shaken even in my own judgement and emotions. But, one thing remains solid, resolute in my mind, and that is that God is sovereign and loving and faithful to sustain His children.
Goodness knows I do not understand, but I know that God is using this tragedy to bring glory to His name, and for that, I will praise Him.
This passage came to my mind and has helped me a lot.
"For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fotress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salcation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us."
-Psalm 62:5-8
I shall not be shaken.
and yet, I feel shaken. Shaken in my confidence of life, shaken in my view of humanity, shaken even in my own judgement and emotions. But, one thing remains solid, resolute in my mind, and that is that God is sovereign and loving and faithful to sustain His children.
Goodness knows I do not understand, but I know that God is using this tragedy to bring glory to His name, and for that, I will praise Him.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
let it be our worship, let it be our true religion
I just got back from our Church's Girl's Choir mission trip in New Orleans.
We spent the week singing in Nursing Homes and one day we sang in a Homeless Shelter, which was very interesting. We stood outside in an awkward semi-circle (which we had to disband a couple of times to allow cars to come in and out of this gate thing) facing a dozen or so guys who, at first, looked on in apathetic perplexity (if that even makes sense...). It was really cool though, because when we started singing, several men stopped and listened and seemed to enjoy it. One of the guys even came up to our music minister that we couldn't know how encouraging it was to all the guys that we came and sang for them. I really wished that i was a guy so that i could just go and hang out/ get to know the men there, and i hate it that i can't. That's not to say i can't visit homeless shelters, but i do not have the freedom to go by myself and form close friendships with the guys there --which i hate to admit. (I'm not a feminist, or anything, but I do hate to feel limited because of my sex).
Over the course of the week, our choir visited four or five nursing homes, and that was one of the coolest things we did. Now, I have never been one to voluntarily go to a nursing home (i had a semi-traumatizing experience at a nursing home when i was little) but i enjoyed engaging with the people where we visited and even looked forward to singing with them. At each nursing home, we would go around and just talk to the people there (some were coherent, others not). In some places we even helped wheel in people to hear us. It was the sweetest thing to see all the toothless grins and the joy on their faces when we talked to them and sang with them. (I keep on typing "with them". Note: this does not mean that they sang as well-although some did!- but "with" seems to be the most proper preposition since we are singing "to" and "for" God and to sing "at" people seems almost hostile)It was also really cool to see how our presence affected the nurses at the nursing homes. In reality, our coming means a lot more work for the nurses to do: they have to clear a space for us to stand, they have to move people into the same room, ect. and so, sometimes they were not as enthusiastic at first. However, as we sang, some nurses got into the songs (at one home, one of the nurses stood up in the back and started dancing to one of our gospel songs--it was great!) Several of the nurses came up to us and thanked us for coming with such sincerity that it made me think about how hard it must be to work at a nursing home. I mean, it's hard work with little pay and almost no recognition whatsoever. Going and singing and just spending time with the people there had such a huge impact on the patients and nurses there that i really felt convicted of how seldom i make the effort to minister in that area. Here is a group of people broken and oftentimes disheartened who need to be reminded of God's unfailing love for them. This week just made me want to make it a point to visit nursing homes more often (and our choir director said that she was going to check out the places close to home to make that a reality).
All in all, it was a very convicting trip. And I'll have to write more on the subject later, but for now, i must be off to bed!
oh! I found a Selah "Greatest Hymns" CD for 5 bucks at a lifeway store so i bought it on a whim and have been listening to it-- i love it! It makes me happy!
We spent the week singing in Nursing Homes and one day we sang in a Homeless Shelter, which was very interesting. We stood outside in an awkward semi-circle (which we had to disband a couple of times to allow cars to come in and out of this gate thing) facing a dozen or so guys who, at first, looked on in apathetic perplexity (if that even makes sense...). It was really cool though, because when we started singing, several men stopped and listened and seemed to enjoy it. One of the guys even came up to our music minister that we couldn't know how encouraging it was to all the guys that we came and sang for them. I really wished that i was a guy so that i could just go and hang out/ get to know the men there, and i hate it that i can't. That's not to say i can't visit homeless shelters, but i do not have the freedom to go by myself and form close friendships with the guys there --which i hate to admit. (I'm not a feminist, or anything, but I do hate to feel limited because of my sex).
Over the course of the week, our choir visited four or five nursing homes, and that was one of the coolest things we did. Now, I have never been one to voluntarily go to a nursing home (i had a semi-traumatizing experience at a nursing home when i was little) but i enjoyed engaging with the people where we visited and even looked forward to singing with them. At each nursing home, we would go around and just talk to the people there (some were coherent, others not). In some places we even helped wheel in people to hear us. It was the sweetest thing to see all the toothless grins and the joy on their faces when we talked to them and sang with them. (I keep on typing "with them". Note: this does not mean that they sang as well-although some did!- but "with" seems to be the most proper preposition since we are singing "to" and "for" God and to sing "at" people seems almost hostile)It was also really cool to see how our presence affected the nurses at the nursing homes. In reality, our coming means a lot more work for the nurses to do: they have to clear a space for us to stand, they have to move people into the same room, ect. and so, sometimes they were not as enthusiastic at first. However, as we sang, some nurses got into the songs (at one home, one of the nurses stood up in the back and started dancing to one of our gospel songs--it was great!) Several of the nurses came up to us and thanked us for coming with such sincerity that it made me think about how hard it must be to work at a nursing home. I mean, it's hard work with little pay and almost no recognition whatsoever. Going and singing and just spending time with the people there had such a huge impact on the patients and nurses there that i really felt convicted of how seldom i make the effort to minister in that area. Here is a group of people broken and oftentimes disheartened who need to be reminded of God's unfailing love for them. This week just made me want to make it a point to visit nursing homes more often (and our choir director said that she was going to check out the places close to home to make that a reality).
All in all, it was a very convicting trip. And I'll have to write more on the subject later, but for now, i must be off to bed!
oh! I found a Selah "Greatest Hymns" CD for 5 bucks at a lifeway store so i bought it on a whim and have been listening to it-- i love it! It makes me happy!
Friday, March 12, 2010
faded like a leaf
Oh that You would rend the heavens and come down, that the mountains might quake at Your presence--as when brushwood and the fire causes water to boil--to make your name known to your adversaries, and that the nations might tremble at Your presence!When You did awesome things that we did not look for, You came down, the mountains quaked at Your presence. From of old no one has heard or percieved by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides You, who acts for those who wait for him. You meet him who joyfuly works righteousness, those who remember You in Your ways.Behold, You were angry, and we sinned; in our sins we have been a long time, and shall we be saved?
We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment. We all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away.-Isaiah 64:1-6
Today was one of those days where, everywhere i turned, every time i opened my mouth, i felt foolish. *sigh* I know it is healthy to see one's own foolishness, but it was still discouraging and frustrating. However, it was ALSO one of those days where i constantly felt the grace of God carrying me through the day, which is encouraging.
Tomorrow i leave for a mission trip to New Orleans! I am very excited :) Please be praying for me and my church group that we will be sensitive to where God is moving and that our attitudes and actions will glorify Christ.
A very happy Spring break to you all, dear ones!
We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment. We all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away.-Isaiah 64:1-6
Today was one of those days where, everywhere i turned, every time i opened my mouth, i felt foolish. *sigh* I know it is healthy to see one's own foolishness, but it was still discouraging and frustrating. However, it was ALSO one of those days where i constantly felt the grace of God carrying me through the day, which is encouraging.
Tomorrow i leave for a mission trip to New Orleans! I am very excited :) Please be praying for me and my church group that we will be sensitive to where God is moving and that our attitudes and actions will glorify Christ.
A very happy Spring break to you all, dear ones!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
this blog post has been formatted to fit your screen...
Crazy busy week!
I had interviews for both UU and OBU. I was extremely nervous, but God was gracious and i didn't do or say anything outrageous (I think) so, i felt pretty good about them. I just found out today, that i did NOT get the full-ride scholarship from OBU, but i did recieve a very respectable scholarship (and, if God chooses to provide for me there, i can still maybe work it so that other scholarship stuff will cover virtually all my expenses!). And then, I won't hear anything about Union until March. Ultimately, I'm not worrying about it. It's all in God's hands. :D
So, tonight was the first official week of this eight week study I am co-leading at my church for eighth grade girls. I am very excited. :) there's only three girls, but they are all very sweet (although a little wild...).
I was reading Acts chapter two in preparation for tonight's lesson for the "Body Building" (our version of U249) and how at Pentecost, the Holy Spirit came and caused the disciples to speak in tongues. It really impacted me. I mean, here are these men, common, uneducated and God used them to speak to great multitudes of people... in foreign languages.
So often at school i find myself worrying over what to say to witness to my peers. Many times i have not said anything, letting opportunities pass because i was afraid that people wouldn't understand or would misconstrue my words. Goodness, that sounds so silly after reading Acts! If God can make men understand different languages, then He can certainly make my words understandable to people at my school.
bottom line: I need to be more vocal at my school. swallow my pride (my words do not have to eloquently address every theological belief i possess) and get the gospel out. From there, God will use it for His glory.
I had interviews for both UU and OBU. I was extremely nervous, but God was gracious and i didn't do or say anything outrageous (I think) so, i felt pretty good about them. I just found out today, that i did NOT get the full-ride scholarship from OBU, but i did recieve a very respectable scholarship (and, if God chooses to provide for me there, i can still maybe work it so that other scholarship stuff will cover virtually all my expenses!). And then, I won't hear anything about Union until March. Ultimately, I'm not worrying about it. It's all in God's hands. :D
So, tonight was the first official week of this eight week study I am co-leading at my church for eighth grade girls. I am very excited. :) there's only three girls, but they are all very sweet (although a little wild...).
I was reading Acts chapter two in preparation for tonight's lesson for the "Body Building" (our version of U249) and how at Pentecost, the Holy Spirit came and caused the disciples to speak in tongues. It really impacted me. I mean, here are these men, common, uneducated and God used them to speak to great multitudes of people... in foreign languages.
So often at school i find myself worrying over what to say to witness to my peers. Many times i have not said anything, letting opportunities pass because i was afraid that people wouldn't understand or would misconstrue my words. Goodness, that sounds so silly after reading Acts! If God can make men understand different languages, then He can certainly make my words understandable to people at my school.
bottom line: I need to be more vocal at my school. swallow my pride (my words do not have to eloquently address every theological belief i possess) and get the gospel out. From there, God will use it for His glory.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
morning by morning
God is SO good and SO faithful!
i have been swamped with work which has made it difficult to stop to type thoughts out. hopefully this weekend i will be able to write more about the Amazing stuff God is doing! :D
This song has been stuck in my head for the past few days...and it makes me happy.
Morning by morning I wake up to find
the power and comfort of God's hand in mine.
Season by season I watch him amazed, in
awe of the mystery of his perfect ways
All I have need of his hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me
I can't remember a trial or a pain he did
not recycle to bring me gain. I can't
remember one single regret in serving
God only and trusting his hand
All I have need of his hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me
This is my anthem, this is my song, the
theme of the stories I've heard for so long.
God has been faithful, he will be again.
His loving compassion, it knows no end.
All I have need of his hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me
May God's abundant grace and unfailing faithfulness be with you all
goodnight!
i have been swamped with work which has made it difficult to stop to type thoughts out. hopefully this weekend i will be able to write more about the Amazing stuff God is doing! :D
This song has been stuck in my head for the past few days...and it makes me happy.
Morning by morning I wake up to find
the power and comfort of God's hand in mine.
Season by season I watch him amazed, in
awe of the mystery of his perfect ways
All I have need of his hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me
I can't remember a trial or a pain he did
not recycle to bring me gain. I can't
remember one single regret in serving
God only and trusting his hand
All I have need of his hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me
This is my anthem, this is my song, the
theme of the stories I've heard for so long.
God has been faithful, he will be again.
His loving compassion, it knows no end.
All I have need of his hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me
May God's abundant grace and unfailing faithfulness be with you all
goodnight!
Friday, February 12, 2010
white as snow
Jesus paid it all
all to Him I owe
My sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow
"Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow" -Isaiah 1:18
Yesterday we got about six to nine inches of snow. This morning i looked out my window and saw the most glorious blanket of pure white snow covering everything. I am now convinced that nothing on earth is more beautiful than snow. It's like a continual reminder of God's redeeming love.
I have often lamented how ugly and depressing the city is. There are few trees and not many cultivated yards. Everything is gray and cement paved.
The snow completely transformed my surroundings. Like a white garment covering the nakedness of the city, the snow has cloaked the landscape in beauty.
Thank You, God, for this magical snow!
all to Him I owe
My sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow
"Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow" -Isaiah 1:18
Yesterday we got about six to nine inches of snow. This morning i looked out my window and saw the most glorious blanket of pure white snow covering everything. I am now convinced that nothing on earth is more beautiful than snow. It's like a continual reminder of God's redeeming love.
I have often lamented how ugly and depressing the city is. There are few trees and not many cultivated yards. Everything is gray and cement paved.
The snow completely transformed my surroundings. Like a white garment covering the nakedness of the city, the snow has cloaked the landscape in beauty.
Thank You, God, for this magical snow!
Monday, February 8, 2010
questions rise, expectations fall
Another kid at my school took his life today. A junior named Nathan Johnson.
He was in my 6th period Spanish class.
This is the second student at my school to commit suicide this year.
all afternoon, I've had the lyrics of Center Aisle running through my mind.
What crimes have you committed
demanding such a penance?
Couldn't wait for five more minutes
and a cry for help
it breaks my heart. I sat in a room with this kid for nearly an hour every day. I could have shared Jesus with him. And i didn't. Why didn't I?
He was in my 6th period Spanish class.
This is the second student at my school to commit suicide this year.
all afternoon, I've had the lyrics of Center Aisle running through my mind.
What crimes have you committed
demanding such a penance?
Couldn't wait for five more minutes
and a cry for help
it breaks my heart. I sat in a room with this kid for nearly an hour every day. I could have shared Jesus with him. And i didn't. Why didn't I?
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Psalm 73
"When my soul was embittered,
when I was pricked in heart,
I was brutish and ignorant;
I was like a beast toward You.
Nevertheless, I am continually with You;
You hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward You will receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is nothing on earth
that I desire besides You.
My flesh and heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever." -Psalm 73:21-26
This passage has been on my heart lately. I've felt really down and kinda depressed recently- just stupid frustrations that shouldn't affect my attitude have crept into my mind and instead of surrendering them up to God and deciding to live joyfully, I have given myself to these silly disappointments. Which is dumb. And I know this, yet I continually find myself in this unhealthy state. (RelientK's Forward Motion, anyone?)
BUUUUT, God has encouraged me so much through this chapter of Psalms. Though David's frustrations in this passage have mostly to do with the wickedness of the prosperous, (my issues are a great deal more foolish) yet his bitterness and despair resonate within my afflicted heart: "All in vain have I kept my heart clean and washed my hands in innocence. For All the day long I have been stricken and rebuked every morning...when i though how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task (vs.13,14 & 16).
but then David says: "until i went into the sanctuary of God; then i discerned their end" (vs.17). God is faithful to encourage His people and offer us insight just when we need it most. He reveals to David how fleeting the pleasures of the wicked are and restores David's desire for God.
God shows David the fallacies in his logic and brings him to the realization that nothing on this earth matters when our hope is in the Lord. In our weakness (which, let's face it, describes basically EVERYTHING about us!), He is strong and we can depend on Him to see us through. "God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
i want to dwell on that last section. "my portion forever." I didn't know this a week ago, but David didn't just come up with this phrase by himself, but it actually alludes to Deuteronomy when God gives each tribe of Israel their inheritance. To the Levitical Priests, however, God did not give a portion of Israel's inheritance. "They shall have no inheritance among their brothers; the Lord is their inheritance (some translations have "portion"), as He promised them...For the Lord your God has chosen him out of all your tribes to stand and minister in the name of the Lord, him and his sons for all time"-Deuteronomy 18:2 & 5. The Levites had to rely on the other tribes for food and shelter, they had no security in earthly possessions like land or money, but trusted in God to supply every need.
David, in Psalms, says that like the Levites, he doesn't need anything except God to carry out His plans and purposes.
And I lose sight of that truth so often. I get caught up in what I lack or what I miss out on, that I end up feeling weary and hopeless when I should be rejoicing! I don't need anything except a relationship with God and He has already promised me that very thing. God is my rock and my portion forever! Amen!
when I was pricked in heart,
I was brutish and ignorant;
I was like a beast toward You.
Nevertheless, I am continually with You;
You hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward You will receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is nothing on earth
that I desire besides You.
My flesh and heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever." -Psalm 73:21-26
This passage has been on my heart lately. I've felt really down and kinda depressed recently- just stupid frustrations that shouldn't affect my attitude have crept into my mind and instead of surrendering them up to God and deciding to live joyfully, I have given myself to these silly disappointments. Which is dumb. And I know this, yet I continually find myself in this unhealthy state. (RelientK's Forward Motion, anyone?)
BUUUUT, God has encouraged me so much through this chapter of Psalms. Though David's frustrations in this passage have mostly to do with the wickedness of the prosperous, (my issues are a great deal more foolish) yet his bitterness and despair resonate within my afflicted heart: "All in vain have I kept my heart clean and washed my hands in innocence. For All the day long I have been stricken and rebuked every morning...when i though how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task (vs.13,14 & 16).
but then David says: "until i went into the sanctuary of God; then i discerned their end" (vs.17). God is faithful to encourage His people and offer us insight just when we need it most. He reveals to David how fleeting the pleasures of the wicked are and restores David's desire for God.
God shows David the fallacies in his logic and brings him to the realization that nothing on this earth matters when our hope is in the Lord. In our weakness (which, let's face it, describes basically EVERYTHING about us!), He is strong and we can depend on Him to see us through. "God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
i want to dwell on that last section. "my portion forever." I didn't know this a week ago, but David didn't just come up with this phrase by himself, but it actually alludes to Deuteronomy when God gives each tribe of Israel their inheritance. To the Levitical Priests, however, God did not give a portion of Israel's inheritance. "They shall have no inheritance among their brothers; the Lord is their inheritance (some translations have "portion"), as He promised them...For the Lord your God has chosen him out of all your tribes to stand and minister in the name of the Lord, him and his sons for all time"-Deuteronomy 18:2 & 5. The Levites had to rely on the other tribes for food and shelter, they had no security in earthly possessions like land or money, but trusted in God to supply every need.
David, in Psalms, says that like the Levites, he doesn't need anything except God to carry out His plans and purposes.
And I lose sight of that truth so often. I get caught up in what I lack or what I miss out on, that I end up feeling weary and hopeless when I should be rejoicing! I don't need anything except a relationship with God and He has already promised me that very thing. God is my rock and my portion forever! Amen!
Friday, January 29, 2010
without horns and without teeth
"Since, then, Your Majesty and Your Lordship desire a simple reply, I will answer without horns and without teeth. Unless I am convicted by Scripture and plain reason--I do not accept the authority of popes and councils, for they have contradicted each other--my conscience is captive to the Word of God. I cannot and I will not recant anything, for to go against conscience is neither right nor safe. Here I stand, I cannot do otherwise. God help me" -Martin Luther when questioned by the Archbishop of Trier.
I'm so excited to get out of high school. To go to college and devote more time and energy into studying for Biblical counseling. what could be more exhilarating?
haha i used to think that i would never find a major that i could work in and not grow tired or restless, but--God is so good!--He has pointed me in a direction that i will never grow weary of, will never exhaust my wonder and joy.
Standing on the promises of God, His word and His precepts. Though Martin Luther faced banishment and even a potential death sentence, he never wavered in his absolute assurance in God and His Word.
The more I spend time in the Scriptures, the more I want to meditate on God's ordinances. To allow God's truth to revive and restore my soul.
I want my conscience to be "captive to the Word of God", to answer "without horns and without teeth" to this fallen generation that my hope is in Jesus Christ.
I'm so excited to get out of high school. To go to college and devote more time and energy into studying for Biblical counseling. what could be more exhilarating?
haha i used to think that i would never find a major that i could work in and not grow tired or restless, but--God is so good!--He has pointed me in a direction that i will never grow weary of, will never exhaust my wonder and joy.
Standing on the promises of God, His word and His precepts. Though Martin Luther faced banishment and even a potential death sentence, he never wavered in his absolute assurance in God and His Word.
The more I spend time in the Scriptures, the more I want to meditate on God's ordinances. To allow God's truth to revive and restore my soul.
I want my conscience to be "captive to the Word of God", to answer "without horns and without teeth" to this fallen generation that my hope is in Jesus Christ.
Monday, January 25, 2010
echoes of His excellence
-"It was good of you to look for Quentin."
-"Good!" she exclaimed. "Good! O Anthony!"
-"Well, so it was," he answered. "Or good in you. How accurate one has to be with one's prepositions! Perhaps it was a preposition wrong that set the whole world awry."
Charles Williams
I've been reading John Piper's Desiring God, and his insight just blows my mind. The whole book describes what he calls "Christian Hedonism" (in a sentence: The chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever.)
He frequently quotes C.S. Lewis and this particular quote impacted me. It is from Reflections on the Psalms: "I think we delight to praise what we enjoy because the praise not merely expresses but completes the enjoyment; it is its appointed consummation."
i love this concept. That God created us in such a way that we HAVE to declare His glory to the world. Because in our praise, our joy is complete in Him.
"God is the one Being in all the universe for whom seeking his own praise is the ultimately loving act. For him, self-exultation is the highest virtue. When he does all things 'for the praises of his glory,' he preserves for us and offers to us the only thing in all the world which can satisfy our longing. God is for us! And the foundation of this love is that God has been, is now, and always will be, for himself."
John Piper
"The climax of his happiness is the delight he takes in the echoes of his excellence in the praises of the saints. This praise is the consummation of our own joy in God. Therefore God's pursuit of praise from us and our pursuit of pleasure in him are the same pursuit."
John Piper
-"Good!" she exclaimed. "Good! O Anthony!"
-"Well, so it was," he answered. "Or good in you. How accurate one has to be with one's prepositions! Perhaps it was a preposition wrong that set the whole world awry."
Charles Williams
I've been reading John Piper's Desiring God, and his insight just blows my mind. The whole book describes what he calls "Christian Hedonism" (in a sentence: The chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever.)
He frequently quotes C.S. Lewis and this particular quote impacted me. It is from Reflections on the Psalms: "I think we delight to praise what we enjoy because the praise not merely expresses but completes the enjoyment; it is its appointed consummation."
i love this concept. That God created us in such a way that we HAVE to declare His glory to the world. Because in our praise, our joy is complete in Him.
"God is the one Being in all the universe for whom seeking his own praise is the ultimately loving act. For him, self-exultation is the highest virtue. When he does all things 'for the praises of his glory,' he preserves for us and offers to us the only thing in all the world which can satisfy our longing. God is for us! And the foundation of this love is that God has been, is now, and always will be, for himself."
John Piper
"The climax of his happiness is the delight he takes in the echoes of his excellence in the praises of the saints. This praise is the consummation of our own joy in God. Therefore God's pursuit of praise from us and our pursuit of pleasure in him are the same pursuit."
John Piper
Monday, January 18, 2010
He is most glorified through me when i am most satisfied in Him
wow. These past few days have been crazy/ridiculous/amazing!
I just got back from a four day retreat at my church. It was so neat because i felt that God had revealed so much to me not through the speaker or the music, but through the personal worship time and just meditating on scripture. The theme of the week dealt with Worship and on Sunday, our youth group split into six sub-groups and each group went to a different church to experience different styles of Worship. There was a "Cowboy" church, a "Black Gospel" church, a Contemplative ("Hippie") church, David Crowder's home church, a Greek Orthodox church and "Church Under the Bridge" which was literally under the highway overpass. No group knew where they were going until they arrived there Sunday morning (the drivers were given directions and addresses, but no names). The night before, one of the leaders listed all the different churches that we possibly might attend and the moment she mentioned the Church Under the Bridge, i thought, oh dear, i hope i don't go there. and then i knew that THAT was where i would be going. i can't exactly explain how i knew, except that, with the conviction of the holy spirit telling me my attitude was COMPLETELY off and the first-hand knowledge that God often asks for the things we don't want to surrender, i just KNEW that i was going there.
It really bothered me that i felt that way, i mean it is not as if i had never participated in street missions, but i knew that i would feel uncomfortable in that setting. But then, church is not supposed to be comfortable.
The whole night, i struggled with why i had this strange aversion to the idea of spending my Sunday morning with the homeless. After all, Jesus came to minister to the brokenhearted and the weary and the homeless. The next morning during my quiet time before we left for the church, i prayed for God to work in my heart and change my attitude. No matter where we went, i wanted to be focused on God and uninhibited by my surroundings. We got in the car and thirty minutes later, sure enough, we pulled up to the Church Under the Bridge.
We got out and were handed bulletins to pass out to the people there. They had a stage set up and about three hundred folding chairs. There were tables with hot food available all under the highway. It was quite a sight to behold and i can whole-heartedly say that it was one of the most incredible worship experiences i have ever had.
There was such a sense of community among the people and the leaders of the church emanated incorruptible love to everyone. There was a homeless man there who was "not all there" and he was adamant about playing with the worship band, so the pastor took a cardboard box and a tambourine and told the man that he could play that tambourine as much as he wanted to as long as he stayed in the box (it was obvious that the man would have run through the crowd with it), so the man took the instrument and played his heart out.
We sang songs and the pastor talked for about half an hour about diversity and how we can encourage ethnic and economic diversity in the church and then we broke up into groups of about six or seven for communion. We talked in our groups and prayed for each other and then took communion from dixie cups and a loaf of bread. Then the pastor had the whole group hold hands in a huge circle and sing "We shall overcome" all together. it was the coolest thing ever. I honestly felt like God had sent me to the most exciting church ever. Hahah Maybe God is calling me into urban-streets-mission-ministry! :) Anyhow, it was such a great blessing to be there! God is good!
I just got back from a four day retreat at my church. It was so neat because i felt that God had revealed so much to me not through the speaker or the music, but through the personal worship time and just meditating on scripture. The theme of the week dealt with Worship and on Sunday, our youth group split into six sub-groups and each group went to a different church to experience different styles of Worship. There was a "Cowboy" church, a "Black Gospel" church, a Contemplative ("Hippie") church, David Crowder's home church, a Greek Orthodox church and "Church Under the Bridge" which was literally under the highway overpass. No group knew where they were going until they arrived there Sunday morning (the drivers were given directions and addresses, but no names). The night before, one of the leaders listed all the different churches that we possibly might attend and the moment she mentioned the Church Under the Bridge, i thought, oh dear, i hope i don't go there. and then i knew that THAT was where i would be going. i can't exactly explain how i knew, except that, with the conviction of the holy spirit telling me my attitude was COMPLETELY off and the first-hand knowledge that God often asks for the things we don't want to surrender, i just KNEW that i was going there.
It really bothered me that i felt that way, i mean it is not as if i had never participated in street missions, but i knew that i would feel uncomfortable in that setting. But then, church is not supposed to be comfortable.
The whole night, i struggled with why i had this strange aversion to the idea of spending my Sunday morning with the homeless. After all, Jesus came to minister to the brokenhearted and the weary and the homeless. The next morning during my quiet time before we left for the church, i prayed for God to work in my heart and change my attitude. No matter where we went, i wanted to be focused on God and uninhibited by my surroundings. We got in the car and thirty minutes later, sure enough, we pulled up to the Church Under the Bridge.
We got out and were handed bulletins to pass out to the people there. They had a stage set up and about three hundred folding chairs. There were tables with hot food available all under the highway. It was quite a sight to behold and i can whole-heartedly say that it was one of the most incredible worship experiences i have ever had.
There was such a sense of community among the people and the leaders of the church emanated incorruptible love to everyone. There was a homeless man there who was "not all there" and he was adamant about playing with the worship band, so the pastor took a cardboard box and a tambourine and told the man that he could play that tambourine as much as he wanted to as long as he stayed in the box (it was obvious that the man would have run through the crowd with it), so the man took the instrument and played his heart out.
We sang songs and the pastor talked for about half an hour about diversity and how we can encourage ethnic and economic diversity in the church and then we broke up into groups of about six or seven for communion. We talked in our groups and prayed for each other and then took communion from dixie cups and a loaf of bread. Then the pastor had the whole group hold hands in a huge circle and sing "We shall overcome" all together. it was the coolest thing ever. I honestly felt like God had sent me to the most exciting church ever. Hahah Maybe God is calling me into urban-streets-mission-ministry! :) Anyhow, it was such a great blessing to be there! God is good!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
remember my chains
Paul writes to the Ephesians: pray "...also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which i am an ambassador in chains, that i may declare it boldly, as i ought to speak."- Eph 6:19-20
Chains couldn't stop Paul from sharing Christ with others. i know that, in America at least, Christians do not face the threat of prison, but too often we are hindered from declaring boldly the gospel to those who so desperately need to hear it.
In Colossians, Paul writes: "Remember my chains." I take this as a challenge. God uses Paul despite his physical chains--Paul never ceases to speak out for God's glory, even in his difficult situation. I long for the courage to declare the preeminence of Christ in everything i do, in everyplace i am in. God knows my limitations, my "chains" that the world would use to hinder my witness, yet He will grant me the strength to speak the gospel "with love incorruptible" .
Chains couldn't stop Paul from sharing Christ with others. i know that, in America at least, Christians do not face the threat of prison, but too often we are hindered from declaring boldly the gospel to those who so desperately need to hear it.
In Colossians, Paul writes: "Remember my chains." I take this as a challenge. God uses Paul despite his physical chains--Paul never ceases to speak out for God's glory, even in his difficult situation. I long for the courage to declare the preeminence of Christ in everything i do, in everyplace i am in. God knows my limitations, my "chains" that the world would use to hinder my witness, yet He will grant me the strength to speak the gospel "with love incorruptible" .
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)