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Crazy busy week!

I had interviews for both UU and OBU. I was extremely nervous, but God was gracious and i didn't do or say anything outrageous (I think) so, i felt pretty good about them. I just found out today, that i did NOT get the full-ride scholarship from OBU, but i did recieve a very respectable scholarship (and, if God chooses to provide for me there, i can still maybe work it so that other scholarship stuff will cover virtually all my expenses!). And then, I won't hear anything about Union until March. Ultimately, I'm not worrying about it. It's all in God's hands. :D

So, tonight was the first official week of this eight week study I am co-leading at my church for eighth grade girls. I am very excited. :) there's only three girls, but they are all very sweet (although a little wild...).

I was reading Acts chapter two in preparation for tonight's lesson for the "Body Building" (our version of U249) and how at Pentecost, the Holy Spirit came and caused the disciples to speak in tongues. It really impacted me. I mean, here are these men, common, uneducated and God used them to speak to great multitudes of people... in foreign languages.
So often at school i find myself worrying over what to say to witness to my peers. Many times i have not said anything, letting opportunities pass because i was afraid that people wouldn't understand or would misconstrue my words. Goodness, that sounds so silly after reading Acts! If God can make men understand different languages, then He can certainly make my words understandable to people at my school.

bottom line: I need to be more vocal at my school. swallow my pride (my words do not have to eloquently address every theological belief i possess) and get the gospel out. From there, God will use it for His glory.

morning by morning

God is SO good and SO faithful!

i have been swamped with work which has made it difficult to stop to type thoughts out. hopefully this weekend i will be able to write more about the Amazing stuff God is doing! :D

This song has been stuck in my head for the past few days...and it makes me happy.

Morning by morning I wake up to find
the power and comfort of God's hand in mine.
Season by season I watch him amazed, in
awe of the mystery of his perfect ways


All I have need of his hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me

I can't remember a trial or a pain he did
not recycle to bring me gain. I can't
remember one single regret in serving
God only and trusting his hand

All I have need of his hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me

This is my anthem, this is my song, the
theme of the stories I've heard for so long.
God has been faithful, he will be again.
His loving compassion, it knows no end.

All I have need of his hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me

May God's abundant grace and unfailing faithfulness be with you all
goodnight!

white as snow

Jesus paid it all
all to Him I owe
My sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow

"Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow" -Isaiah 1:18

Yesterday we got about six to nine inches of snow. This morning i looked out my window and saw the most glorious blanket of pure white snow covering everything. I am now convinced that nothing on earth is more beautiful than snow. It's like a continual reminder of God's redeeming love.

I have often lamented how ugly and depressing the city is. There are few trees and not many cultivated yards. Everything is gray and cement paved.
The snow completely transformed my surroundings. Like a white garment covering the nakedness of the city, the snow has cloaked the landscape in beauty.

Thank You, God, for this magical snow!

questions rise, expectations fall

Another kid at my school took his life today. A junior named Nathan Johnson.
He was in my 6th period Spanish class.
This is the second student at my school to commit suicide this year.

all afternoon, I've had the lyrics of Center Aisle running through my mind.

What crimes have you committed
demanding such a penance?
Couldn't wait for five more minutes
and a cry for help

it breaks my heart. I sat in a room with this kid for nearly an hour every day. I could have shared Jesus with him. And i didn't. Why didn't I?

Psalm 73

"When my soul was embittered,
when I was pricked in heart,
I was brutish and ignorant;
I was like a beast toward You.
Nevertheless, I am continually with You;
You hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward You will receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is nothing on earth
that I desire besides You.
My flesh and heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever." -Psalm 73:21-26

This passage has been on my heart lately. I've felt really down and kinda depressed recently- just stupid frustrations that shouldn't affect my attitude have crept into my mind and instead of surrendering them up to God and deciding to live joyfully, I have given myself to these silly disappointments. Which is dumb. And I know this, yet I continually find myself in this unhealthy state. (RelientK's Forward Motion, anyone?)
BUUUUT, God has encouraged me so much through this chapter of Psalms. Though David's frustrations in this passage have mostly to do with the wickedness of the prosperous, (my issues are a great deal more foolish) yet his bitterness and despair resonate within my afflicted heart: "All in vain have I kept my heart clean and washed my hands in innocence. For All the day long I have been stricken and rebuked every morning...when i though how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task (vs.13,14 & 16).

but then David says: "until i went into the sanctuary of God; then i discerned their end" (vs.17). God is faithful to encourage His people and offer us insight just when we need it most. He reveals to David how fleeting the pleasures of the wicked are and restores David's desire for God.

God shows David the fallacies in his logic and brings him to the realization that nothing on this earth matters when our hope is in the Lord. In our weakness (which, let's face it, describes basically EVERYTHING about us!), He is strong and we can depend on Him to see us through. "God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
i want to dwell on that last section. "my portion forever." I didn't know this a week ago, but David didn't just come up with this phrase by himself, but it actually alludes to Deuteronomy when God gives each tribe of Israel their inheritance. To the Levitical Priests, however, God did not give a portion of Israel's inheritance. "They shall have no inheritance among their brothers; the Lord is their inheritance (some translations have "portion"), as He promised them...For the Lord your God has chosen him out of all your tribes to stand and minister in the name of the Lord, him and his sons for all time"-Deuteronomy 18:2 & 5. The Levites had to rely on the other tribes for food and shelter, they had no security in earthly possessions like land or money, but trusted in God to supply every need.
David, in Psalms, says that like the Levites, he doesn't need anything except God to carry out His plans and purposes.

And I lose sight of that truth so often. I get caught up in what I lack or what I miss out on, that I end up feeling weary and hopeless when I should be rejoicing! I don't need anything except a relationship with God and He has already promised me that very thing. God is my rock and my portion forever! Amen!